Not all of us want to be in a relationship, which is completely fine. The rest of us oscillate between loving being single and wishing we weren’t. It rocks when we are playing the field and not having to check in with anyone, but it sucks when everyone around us seems to be bursting with joy in their relationships. Sometimes we cannot help but feel a little frustrated for being single.
Our search for healthy love is one of the most defining missions of our lives
The nagging question just keeps getting louder, “Is it me?”. I wish I could tell you with all certainty that it is not you, but it just might be you. This does not mean that there is something wrong with you. I am sure you are amazing and capable of being in a fantastic relationship. But you see, most of the times, our single status has everything to do with our beliefs and attitudes.
The truth is that you hold more power over your romantic destiny that you ever thought possible. To a large extent, you create the world that you live in, consciously or unconsciously. There are a lot of bad habits that you may indulge in and things that you tell yourself that may be locking the doors to a lasting relationship:
- I love being alone with all the freedom and creative time it affords me.
- I do not deserve a relationship.
- I am not good enough.
- No one will ever love me.
- I am not ready.
- I have no time to date right now.
- I cannot date a guy/girl who…..
When it comes to dating and relationships, sometimes you are your own worst enemy
What are some of the things you have told yourself that you think are sabotaging your ability to connect with potential partners?
Let us talk about the things that many of us are telling ourselves that are getting in the way of finding our soul mates.
I will date when…..
I will date when I am finished with my Ph. D.
I will date when I lose at least 10 pounds.
I will date after my career takes off.
I will date when I am ready.
I will date when I find the perfect guy/girl.
I will date when my child goes to school.
“The greatest amount of time wasted is the time not getting started.”
There is a huge problem when you keep postponing something that is important to you. Firstly, the only time that you are guaranteed is ‘now.’ Many of us are obsessed with timing. There is no such thing as the right time. No matter what else your life involves at the moment, dating should never be wholly sidelined if you hope to get into a long-term relationship.
There are no guarantees in life, and no one can predict what the future holds. After all, life is a series of unexpected events. Indeed, you might find that life is more interesting when things do not go according to plan, rather than when everything is well choreographed. Makes life more authentic, doesn’t it?
You may think postponing dating buys you time but in reality, time will not wait for you. Right now is the perfect time to seek for your soul mate.
“Procrastination is like a credit card; it is a lot of fun until you get the bill.” Christopher Parker
I am looking for the perfect partner
When looking for a romantic partner, we all desire certain characteristics. However, no one is perfect. I have seen people wielding a long list of attributes that they want in potential soul mates. A certain level of education, given financial status, a particular religion, no children or a certain number of children, a certain number of teeth… Just kidding. The chances are that you might not find this package in a single individual. The pursuit of perfection leads to finding fault with everyone that you meet which will only work against you.
I am looking for the perfect guy/girl today will be later turn out to be I will never truly be in love.
Worse still, some of us have very unrealistic expectations. Snap back to reality and realize that you are also not perfect. So what if the guy/girl is a little rough around the edges? So what if she talks too loudly? So what if he is a tad too dark? There is nothing wrong with setting standards, but we must keep our expectations realistic if we do not want to be alone for the rest of our lives.
Affection is when you see someone’s strengths. Love is when you accept someone’s flaws.
All the good ones are taken
It seems as if the world has been overrun by fickle men and players, shallow women and gold diggers. Apart from you, of course! Is it possible? Is it really possible that all the billions of people out there are all either married or horrible? This is the lamest excuse to not play the dating scene. Worse still, it is a self-sabotaging excuse.
Telling yourself that all the good ones are taken is giving yourself a free pass to throw in the towel and let yourself off the dating hook. You do not have to put yourself out there, after all, the good ones are taken!
Look at the flipside. Out of the billions of people in the world, you only need one person who is right for you. You need to reframe your mindset.
The perfect partner does not exist, but there is a partner who is right for you.
The sad reality is that if you go through life believing that there are no good men or women out there, you will not find any. Your mind is always inclined to look for evidence to support what you believe.
When you believe all the good ones are taken, anytime you come across one who is unavailable, you will think he is the greatest thing you have ever seen. When you come across one who is single, you will search for flaws, and you will surely find them.
Remember, our thoughts are energy; energy that radiates and attracts like experiences. Many of us miss out on finding love by holding on to lies: about ourselves, about men and women. You must realize you are what is keeping you single. Seeking love is not an easy task. The first step is to fight the patterns inside us that hold us back. We cannot shield ourselves from what we might find out there, but we can empower ourselves with the right tools for the job by cleaning up our thoughts.
About the Author
Christopher D. Brown created the website RedesigningTheMind.com