Self loving

How To Find Hope In Desperate Times

Find Hope In Desperate Times

Life is hard. In vain we try to pretend that life is easy, the reality is that sometimes life is unfair and hard. For many situations there are not even half-effective solutions. Many times we simply do not know what to do to solve a situation. Who to call to help us? There is no one who can help us and we can’t help ourselves either. How to find hope in desperate times?

It is quite difficult to find hope in situations where nothing is going well. However without hope life is even harder. In desperate times, try at least to keep your hope up. But how can you keep your hope when life is so hard.

You need a deeper philosophy of life. That is, you need deeper thoughts to give you hope in these difficult times. Many times these deep thoughts were told to us by our parents or we read them in a book. Here are some small recommendations on how you can keep your hopes up in desperate times.

1. Beauty Is Found In Simplicity

The moment you notice beauty, your hope returns. Fortunately, there are many beautiful details around us, wherever we are. One of them is the sky. You can always look up and look at the sky to lift your spirits a little and feel confident again. Confidence in the beauty of life generates hope. Because ugliness generates a decrease in hope. Try to contemplate a beautiful little detail that you have at hand. It can even be a small object that is dear to you. The small details contain a lot of beauty, because beauty is found in simplicity.

2. Have Patience

The ability to be patient is directly correlated with the level of hope. The moment we lose patience, our hope diminishes dramatically. Think that all things and events are transient. Unfortunately or fortunately everything will pass. Yes, of course you want the bad things to happen faster and the good things want to last longer. We all want that. But life is composed of a mixture of pleasures and troubles. Sweet moments would not be so beautiful if we did not have some troubles in our life.

3. Slow Things Down

When you start to lose hope, it is an alarm signal that you feel overwhelmed. Give yourself permission to slow things down for a while. Just think about today. Leave the future. The future has an extraordinary ability to take care of itself. You don’t have to worry about the future. You need to only care about today. Survive today as best you can, until dusk, then go to bed a little earlier. You deserve it. Leave the whole world and your own life in someone else’s care for today.

4. Read a Wise Book

Wisdom generates hope. A deeper understanding of reality helps you a lot to have a high level of hope. Somehow, when you feel that you are losing hope, your level of wisdom temporarily diminishes. Go back to a wise book you read in the past or read a new book. Don’t read something dramatically with an ugly and hopeless ending. Read something that will give you strength and motivate you. Also, don’t read a book that is too hard, because you don’t want to add even more weight to yourself. It would be best to re-read a wise book you have read in the past. It will definitely help you.

5. Talk To A Friend

Talk to a friend, mother, father, brother or sister. In desperate times, communicating with a friend or a person who has known us for many years helps a lot. Don’t hesitate to say everything you think. Tell them all your thoughts from those moments. Wait to see their reaction and listen to what they tell you. If you are both in the same situation or you have been in the same situation in the past, talking about this common life experience will help you a lot, you will see. Don’t hide from people who have known you for many years. Nobody can compensate for the value they offer you, because no one can know you in a few days as they know you from so many years.

6. Write Your Thoughts

Write your thoughts on paper. Try to write freely. That is, to write down all the thoughts that go through your mind even if they are the worst possible thoughts. If you think that someone might read what you are writing, break and throw away the sheet after you have written your thoughts. As you write down your thoughts, do not try to lift your spirits and motivate yourself. Do not deny your negative thoughts. Don’t tell yourself it’s nonsense. Just write the thoughts on paper. Try to write a single page with the darkest thoughts you have from those moments. Don’t write more than one page and don’t hide some of your thoughts.

7. Do Something Small and Simple For Yourself

When we lose hope, we also lose the ability to do good things for ourselves, which leads to an even greater loss of hope. This vicious circle can be broken very easily when we do a small and simple thing for ourselves consciously. Doing something for yourself to feel better greatly increases the degree of hope. Extend the bath you take a little more. Sit on a bench in the park and contemplate the nature for some minutes. Read a good news of an event that is happening in the world or that has already happened. Take a nap. Make yourself a cup of tea by paying attention to all the details of making the tea by making them slower and more conscious than usual.

Conclusion

Hard times are difficult, but losing hope is even more difficult. Whatever happens to you, try to keep your hope up. Another way you can bring hope into your life is by giving hope to others. Be the one who inspires others even in the most desperate moments of life. Yes, it is difficult, but not impossible. Keep your hope up and also give it to others. Happiness can be found even in the darkest moments if we remember to turn on the light.

What You Are Telling Yourself That Is Keeping You Single

single

Not all of us want to be in a relationship, which is completely fine. The rest of us oscillate between loving being single and wishing we weren’t. It rocks when we are playing the field and not having to check in with anyone, but it sucks when everyone around us seems to be bursting with joy in their relationships. Sometimes we cannot help but feel a little frustrated for being single.

Our search for healthy love is one of the most defining missions of our lives

The nagging question just keeps getting louder, “Is it me?”. I wish I could tell you with all certainty that it is not you, but it just might be you. This does not mean that there is something wrong with you. I am sure you are amazing and capable of being in a fantastic relationship. But you see, most of the times, our single status has everything to do with our beliefs and attitudes.

The truth is that you hold more power over your romantic destiny that you ever thought possible. To a large extent, you create the world that you live in, consciously or unconsciously. There are a lot of bad habits that you may indulge in and things that you tell yourself that may be locking the doors to a lasting relationship:

  • I love being alone with all the freedom and creative time it affords me.
  • I do not deserve a relationship.
  • I am not good enough.
  • No one will ever love me.
  • I am not ready.
  • I have no time to date right now.
  • I cannot date a guy/girl who…..

When it comes to dating and relationships, sometimes you are your own worst enemy

What are some of the things you have told yourself that you think are sabotaging your ability to connect with potential partners?

Let us talk about the things that many of us are telling ourselves that are getting in the way of finding our soul mates.

I will date when…..

I will date when I am finished with my Ph. D.
I will date when I lose at least 10 pounds.
I will date after my career takes off.
I will date when I am ready.
I will date when I find the perfect guy/girl.
I will date when my child goes to school.

“The greatest amount of time wasted is the time not getting started.”
Dawson Trotman

There is a huge problem when you keep postponing something that is important to you. Firstly, the only time that you are guaranteed is ‘now.’ Many of us are obsessed with timing. There is no such thing as the right time. No matter what else your life involves at the moment, dating should never be wholly sidelined if you hope to get into a long-term relationship.

There are no guarantees in life, and no one can predict what the future holds. After all, life is a series of unexpected events. Indeed, you might find that life is more interesting when things do not go according to plan, rather than when everything is well choreographed. Makes life more authentic, doesn’t it?

You may think postponing dating buys you time but in reality, time will not wait for you. Right now is the perfect time to seek for your soul mate.

“Procrastination is like a credit card; it is a lot of fun until you get the bill.”            Christopher Parker

I am looking for the perfect partner

When looking for a romantic partner, we all desire certain characteristics. However, no one is perfect. I have seen people wielding a long list of attributes that they want in potential soul mates. A certain level of education, given financial status, a particular religion, no children or a certain number of children, a certain number of teeth… Just kidding. The chances are that you might not find this package in a single individual. The pursuit of perfection leads to finding fault with everyone that you meet which will only work against you.

I am looking for the perfect guy/girl today will be later turn out to be I will never truly be in love.

Worse still, some of us have very unrealistic expectations. Snap back to reality and realize that you are also not perfect. So what if the guy/girl is a little rough around the edges? So what if she talks too loudly? So what if he is a tad too dark? There is nothing wrong with setting standards, but we must keep our expectations realistic if we do not want to be alone for the rest of our lives.

Affection is when you see someone’s strengths. Love is when you accept someone’s flaws.

All the good ones are taken

It seems as if the world has been overrun by fickle men and players, shallow women and gold diggers. Apart from you, of course! Is it possible? Is it really possible that all the billions of people out there are all either married or horrible? This is the lamest excuse to not play the dating scene. Worse still, it is a self-sabotaging excuse.

Telling yourself that all the good ones are taken is giving yourself a free pass to throw in the towel and let yourself off the dating hook. You do not have to put yourself out there, after all, the good ones are taken!

Look at the flipside. Out of the billions of people in the world, you only need one person who is right for you. You need to reframe your mindset.

The perfect partner does not exist, but there is a partner who is right for you.

The sad reality is that if you go through life believing that there are no good men or women out there, you will not find any. Your mind is always inclined to look for evidence to support what you believe.

Interesting fact:
When you believe all the good ones are taken, anytime you come across one who is unavailable, you will think he is the greatest thing you have ever seen. When you come across one who is single, you will search for flaws, and you will surely find them.

Remember, our thoughts are energy; energy that radiates and attracts like experiences. Many of us miss out on finding love by holding on to lies: about ourselves, about men and women. You must realize you are what is keeping you single. Seeking love is not an easy task. The first step is to fight the patterns inside us that hold us back. We cannot shield ourselves from what we might find out there, but we can empower ourselves with the right tools for the job by cleaning up our thoughts.

About the Author

Christopher Brown

Christopher D. Brown created the website RedesigningTheMind.com

Positive Words Research – What You Are Telling Yourself That Is Keeping You Single

Why Self-Love Is a Key to Success and it Helps You Grow

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If someone were to ask you the following question, what would your answer be?

How much do you love yourself?

The answer to this question belongs only to you, and the importance is much higher than you believe. Self-love can have a grand impact on the choices you make in life, the things you are inviting in, and the effect you have on other people.

‘Your life is your own creation. Living on the basis of self-criticism will never bring you to improvement. If you want to achieve the things you aim for, you must learn to love yourself’ – explains Luke Megaton, a psychology writing expert at UK BestEssays.

For those who believe that criticizing yourself is essential to becoming successful, here is the truth behind the two choices:

Self-Love vs. Self-Criticism

Criticizing oneself is a choice, a tendency people have. Many of us see criticism as a tool essential for our improvement since the idea pushes us to live up to our higher standards.

But, what if I told you that you have been wrong all along? Instead of helping you become better, self-criticism makes you akin to sabotage your dreams and goals.

Without self-love, you can only hurt your productivity and performance. By doing this, you are hurting your well-being.

Self-Criticism Holds You Back

Here is how criticizing yourself reflects on your life

  • Self-criticism will make you focused on your flaws and decrease your confidence
  • Self-criticism builds on your fear of failure, which will make you give up easy and lead to rushed decisions
  • When you criticize yourself on regular basis, you are very unlikely to learn from the mistakes you are making

Yes, criticism may be beneficial for you in some cases, but you must find your own limit. As Alexander Pope once said: ‘’To err is human, to forgive, divine’’.

Self-Love Helps You Grow

  • Increases your motivation
  • Boosts your perspective and improves your decision-making skills
  • Self-love improves your relationships by making you happier and more confident
  • Self-love decreases depression and anxiety and boosts your psychological health
  • Makes you resilient, which helps you raise from failure and learn from the mistakes you make

Loving yourself is the best thing you can do to achieve great things in life. Starting with feeling good to looking confident in the eyes of others, you must learn how to love yourself more, and criticize yourself less.

Learning to Apply Self-Love in Your Life

Believe it or not, self-love is a learnable thing. There are so many things in life that will make you feel less worthy than you are. Some of these could decrease your self-confidence and make you judge your decisions.

Sometimes this will be beneficial and help you change the bad things. Although in most cases, letting others kill your self-love is the worst thing you can do.

If you want to improve your life and well-being, here is how you apply and grow self-love in your life.

1.      Find your mantra

Have you heard the word mantra’? To fight the stillness and anxiety, practice some meditation and find your mantra. Once you do, return to it every time you need a little boost. It helps you grow your inner peace and empower you.

2.      Get yourself some alone time

It is as simple as that – if you want to love yourself, find the time to love yourself. Whether it is a warm, calming bath before bed or drinking your favorite hot chocolate in front of the TV, get yourself some alone time. During this time, love yourself and nobody else.

3.      Find support

There will be times in life when you are struggling – we all have such times. However, just because you are having a rough patch doesn’t mean that you should do it alone.

We all need people in our lives, but not just any people. People who value us as individuals, and are positive. Such people will help you get through hard times and grow your qualities.

4.      Let yourself be vulnerable

Open up to others, no matter how hard it seems. People spend days and years keeping things to themselves, only to let these things out at the worst time possible. Set some time aside to be vulnerable with the people you love. Seeing people who love you will help you love yourself more.

5.      Notice yourself

In times of challenge and doubts, notice yourself. Instead of criticizing your every move when things go bad, seek the positive things you have. We all have them. It makes us grow and develop even more.

Put yourself in the shoes of people who love and admire you, and notice yourself from that position. Who do you see?

6.      Write to yourself

Yes, as ridiculous as it sounds, writing to yourself works. You can write yourself a letter or start a diary, but the important thing is to keep the conversation between you and yourself.

Talk to yourself as if you are talking to your dearest friend. Advise ‘your friend’ in tough times and tell them everyone can make mistakes. You can comfort yourself instead of attacking yourself, same as your best friend would do.

7.      Make a gratitude list

What are you grateful for? Write down five to ten things you are grateful for each day. It is very simple but very beneficial for your well-being and motivation. If you want to increase your self-love, give yourself good reasons to love yourself.

It can be something as simple as seeing a friend you haven’t seen in a while or eating your favorite ice cream on your day off. Just think of the things you feel grateful for.

Practicing your self-life can make all the difference in your life decisions and success. If you learn to stray from criticism and aim towards appreciating and loving yourself, you can grow and achieve more than you ever hoped for!

Author’s Bio

Warren is a marketing enthusiast and a blogger at UKBestessays.com, who loves music. If he doesn’t have a guitar in his hands, he’s probably embracing new technologies and marketing techniques online! You can meet him on Twitter and Facebook.

Here at Positive Words Research, we are looking to share with our readers original content that hasn’t been published on other sites so if you are comfortable with Positive Words Research being your sole publisher, we are more than happy to share with our readers your inspiring and empowering story.

Positive Words Research – Why Self-Love Is a Key to Success and it Helps You Grow

A Journey from Self Criticism to Self Appreciation

self-appreciation

Have you cornered yourself with the following statements?

  1. I cannot do anything.
  2. I am the one doing wrong.
  3. Other people are better than me.
  4. I am good for nothing.

If you have, then you have been in the self-criticism zone. Self-criticism by definition is to disapprove or criticize oneself/one’s own actions. In this fast-moving world, where competition is everywhere, people tend to self-criticize themselves. There is something called positive criticism and negative criticism. The type that hampers the growth of a person is negative criticism. This can lead a person to think very low of oneself. There is a fine line between self-criticism and self-correction. There are people who would call, self-correction, which is a positive way to point out the mistakes and work on them. And then, there are the other categories of people who take it in a negative way leading to depression, discontentment etc. I am sure nobody likes to stay in the disapproval land thus, there are a couple of ways, through which one can overcome excessive self-criticism.

An Exit from Self Criticism

I have been an average student all my academic life. What stopped me from crossing the average line was excessive criticism. Any competition or exam, I was never happy with my performance. I was always finding the grass greener on the other side. This continuous self-disapproval made me feel very low about myself. Even the things that I was best at, I started to fail in them. It wasn’t long when I realized that self-criticising was getting me nowhere. Then I made an exit plan from the criticizing zone.

1. Treat yourself like a friend:

One thing that I realized during the self-recovery period was that in all the hard times I had myself to lean back on. People in the midst of everything tend to forget that they are the constant support to themselves. One would feel a lot better if one starts treating oneself like a friend. Thus this is the first step.

2. Self Reflection:

This does not mean to reflect on the mistakes, rather this means to reflect on all the things happening in one’s life. This would give a person a better perspective towards life and oneself. Self-reflection can help a person look at things from a neutral and unbiased way.

3. Acceptance of the present situation:

It was always difficult to accept the things that were happening with me, thus moving on was complicated. Once I accepted the situation, I figured a different way out, which was less painful. Accepting the situation is a tough task. Sometimes people undergo very hard times and accepting those situations is not easy. But one has to come to terms with reality and move on because life is all about the next step that you take.

4. Adjusting one’s expectations:

Expectations can either make you or break you. If you perform well in any field, people tend to expect more from you. Disappointing people is tolerable, but disappointing oneself can break a person. Hence it is important to adjust the expectations according to one’s ability. Everyone is not same and this truth needs to be accepted.

An Entry to Self Appreciation

How many of us appreciate ourselves on the smallest achievements, or successes? As far as I am concerned my appreciation varied with the results of others. I often compared my success with others and found myself behind them. This was not self-appreciation. It was a comparison. Appreciation is very important to move ahead. For instance, if a child is appreciated on any kind of success, the child’s confidence reaches another level. The child will work harder to get more appreciation. And I am sure that all of us like appreciation, then why not start appreciating ourselves? There are some ways how one can do that:

1. Knowing the difference between Self Love and Self Obsession:

The first step towards self-appreciation is to love oneself. Loving oneself means, to accept oneself as a whole. It includes the perfections and the imperfections that the person has. Being comfortable with one’s own company is also a sign of self-love. Self-love can turn into a self-obsession. Thus one needs to draw the line there.

2. Be true to yourself:

If the person has accepted oneself completely then this step is easy. In order to avoid the self-guilt and blame game, it is better to accept the truth. Lying to one’s own self will lead a person nowhere.

3. Appreciate where you are:

One must appreciate, for how far one has come. Stuck in the swamp of self-criticism, one forgets to acknowledge this aspect.

4. Say what you feel:

It is better to let it out than keeping it in. Be confident and put forth your views. Let the idea/ thought/ view be as stupid or good as possible. Say what you feel, even if it is different from what the others feel.

If one follows this plan, they would notice that they have arrived the destination i.e. the self-appreciation land. When you feel stuck in the self-criticism area just remember these words by Louise L. Hay:

Remember you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

You will be surprised to see what you have, to offer yourself.

Author’s Bio

Joane Smith is a writer associated with Write me an assignment fast
She has written articles on various topics, like education, parenting etc. She likes to travel and cook occasionally.

Here at Positive Words Research, we are looking to share with our readers original content that hasn’t been published on other sites so if you are comfortable with Positive Words Research being your sole publisher, we are more than happy to share with our readers your inspiring and empowering story.

Magic Sparkles of Happiness ~ I Used To Not Love And Now I Am Loving

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Chapter 2 ~ I Used To Not Love And Now I Am Loving

“I’d far rather be happy than right any day.” – Douglas Adams

I used to not feel loved and now I am feeling so loved. I just feel, now, so loved.

I used to not feel so alive and now I am feeling so alive. I just somehow feel alive now. I used not to feel like this. And now I feel like this.

I used to think I am not blessed and now I am feeling blessed. It just happened for me. I feel blessed. I used not to feel like this. I used to feel different. Now I feel blessed. It happened to me.

I used to not love people so much. Maybe I loved a few people. And now I am feeling love for so many people. I love singers, dancers, writers of movies, people that take care of the bakery in front of my house, the ones that take care of the park near me where I love to walk, and the neighbors that keep me secure in my house because we all live, together, in a building. And all the other people, so many people that are just amazing. Now I am just used to loving people.

I used to not love my body. And now I am feeling so much love for my body.

My body is a miracle; I used to not believe this. Just that now I do feel like this. I feel love for my body. I used not to feel it. And now I feel this love. I used not to respect myself so much and now I practice self-respect. Life is so much easier if I give self-respect to me when I need it. I love self-respect.

I used to think mainly at the not so good stuff that was happening all around the world. And I felt that these pictures are making me feel like I was living in a not secure world.

And now I am thinking mainly at all the good, beautiful, fabulous, mesmerizing, breath taking stuff that is happening all around the world. I have no control over all the not so good stuff which is happening in the world. Just that now I am also thinking that I have no control over the good stuff that is happening in the world.

This good stuff is multiplying in the world without me controlling it.

No matter if I have trust in people or I don’t, in reality there are these millions of people that are committed to see beauty in the world. They surf, they throw themselves from the cliffs into the water and then climb back to do it again. They run in races, they give birth to children, they dance, they teach other people how to dance, they just do all these millions of good stuff in the world.

And I could, and maybe actually I did, dedicate my life in visualizing all this beauty on Earth. The more I picture all this beauty, all this magic abundance, I know that I will not have time in my life to, at least, think of them, not to discover them, just to have a picture of them in my mind.

Then I remember that all is abundance. Therefore time is also in abundance for everyone. So I know and feel that I will have more than enough time to picture and discover all the beauty on this paradise which we all call Earth. Because we all live forever, right?

I used to not trust myself and now I am doing it.

I trust myself. And it seems that since I trust myself, others trust me also.

I used not to smile when I was walking alone on the street and now I smile whenever I remember to. And some people passing on the street besides me smile also without thinking why, just because they had a glance of my smiling face. And I like this, to make them smile, only because they passed me by. So I try to remember and do it as often as I can.

used1

I used to think other people consume my love and now I am happy that they feel my love.

Actually people only feel my love when I overflow with it. I used not to know this about life. I used not to know that you give, only when you overflow with something. I used not to overflow with love so often. And this is why, when I overflew love in the past, people felt my love, then the overflow stopped, so the love stopped, I did not feel it anymore and I believed that they’ve consumed my love.
And I so wanted to enjoy more of that love. Just that now I overflow daily with love, I am like a never-ending river. I am grateful for this. I know I used to not feel like this.

I used to not feel young inside my mind and now I feel so young. I know I used to feel I have an old mind; I felt it in the past even if I was less than 25 years old. I used to say that my face looks young but that I feel my mind is so old. Now I feel my mind is so young. I am happy that I will learn so many things in this life.

I used to not feel the freedom and now I feel the freedom.

I used to feel not free. I used to feel that all the people are not living freely, in their small concrete boxes all their life, in our small bedrooms. I used not to understand how they can live like this, not free.

Now I feel the freedom. Now I feel others freedom also.
There are so many free people in the world. There are so many people that freely do what they know they should do.
They follow the Love.

Now I think of all the people that are creating the life they want. And I allow them to do this, in my mind. Now I just do the same, feel free and create the life I want.
I discovered that people are allowing me to have my freedom, nobody actually tries to stop me from doing what I love and being who I love to be. Before this, I was living in illusion. I was trapped by my own perception.

I used to not have fun in what I was doing during the day and now I just have fun in my daily simple activities.

I have fun when I dress, when I walk, when I brush my hair, when I clean my teeth, when I write, when I just say doing nothing. I used to not have so much fun when I was writing and now I just have fun.

Somehow I make it fun. All these ideas come to me and make me smile. Sometimes I believe I can write forever, or I could get dressed forever, or I could brush my hair forever, or I could smile forever. Or I could look at the blue sky forever, or I could walk in the snow in quiet forever, or I could kiss someone forever. So many things that I want to do forever, and all of them are from this world.

I used to not feel good and now I just feel good.

I feel good! And I still have to sleep 7-8 hours every 16-17 hours. Just that now I feel good with this ritual of my human nature. And I still have to get dressed and go to work.

And I still have to eat three times and take other different little snacks during a day. And I still need to wash my body. And I still need to go to the toilet every day. And I still need to wash my hands every time after going to the toilet. And I still have to drink liters of water. And I am tired during the day from time to time. And I still have headaches from time to time. And I still need to buy food for my cat. And I still need to wake up in the morning. So many mornings!

Thankfulness to you and thankfulness to me also that I do all this every day. I used to not feel grateful for doing all these and now I feel grateful. Now I try to color all my doings with the colors of love and gratitude. I don’t try to do all I do, only out of love or gratitude; this is very hard.

But I try to do my daily activities, which I am already doing, with drops of love and gratitude in them. It’s like a rain of light pouring on all my doings. And somehow things changed without me directly changing them. Now I just feel good!

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.”  – Aristotle

Homework 2:

Please allow me to give to you another homework which will help you to build your own personalized happy moment:

Therefore, make your own blessings replacing the following sparkles with your own words:

I USED TO NOT  *  *  *  * AND NOW I AM  *  *  *  *

Remember that this is a positive exercise meant to lift you higher.

“My hope is that the description of God’s love in my life will give you the freedom and the courage to discover… God’s love in yours.” – Henry Nouwen

Author’s word

This book contains positive affirmations that make you feel happy. I recommend you to read throughout the chapters, taking each sentence, one by one. The sentences are arranged in a certain serene flow but can also be read separately.

The writing of this book has begun with my daily writings. I had some blissful, full of love, mesmerizing days when I just felt that I want to connect my own being with positive, high and strong words. Then connect myself with everything around me, connect my consciousness with the reality outside me. In this state I began to write this book.

Books by the same author:
Hortensio and the Magic Stories
Leader versus Manager