Secrets of a Long-Lasting Happy Love Relationship

love-relationship

The secrets of long-lasting happy relationships are:

  1. Building a climate of practicing kindness, generosity, friendship, joy, love, trust & intimacy;
  2. Honoring the “bids” meaning the requests for connection, requests for a response, sign of interest and support, when hoping to connect, however momentary;
  3. Responding to “bids” by turning toward the partner;
  4. The partner recognizes the “bid” and respects that by engaging, showing interest & support;
  5. Each partner meets their partner momentary emotional need;
  6. Scanning environment for things they can appreciate and can say thank you for;
  7. Building a culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully;
  8. Scanning the partner for what the partner is doing right;
  9. Managing not to miss more than 50 percent of positive things their partners are doing;
  10. Responding to “bids” by showing they are there, showing to the partner that he or she is valued;
  11. Kindness glues the couple together;
  12. They build an environment of kindness and emotional stability;
  13. They show each other through kindness that each partner is cared for, understood, and validated—feels loved;
  14. They know and act upon the knowledge that ” when someone receives or witnesses kindness, the more they will be kind themselves, which leads to upward spirals of love and generosity in a relationship”;
  15. The partners consider kindness as a muscle. They exercise this muscle to keep it in shape;
  16. Partners know that good relationship requires sustained hard work;
  17. They treasure the development and expression of a generous spirit. They express this generous spirit a lot and let it come in when a partner makes a bid so that they can turn toward their partner;
  18. They enhance small moments of emotional connection and therefore constantly gently empowering the relationship;
  19. The partners practice kindness in hard times and during a fight—they consider that this is the most important time to be kind;
  20. The partners express negative emotions in a kind way;
  21. The partners consider that if you want to have a stable, healthy relationship, exercise kindness early and often and built kindness into the very backbone of a relationship;
  22. The partners practice kindness by being generous about partner’s intentions;
  23. The partners practice having an ability to kindly interpret partner’s actions and intentions charitably and they soften the sharp edge of conflict.
  24. Partners appreciate the intent of the other partner to do the things right even if they have executed it poorly;
  25. Partners practice another powerful kindness strategy revolved around shared joy.
  26. Partners show that they are there for each other when things go right. They think shared joy is actually more important for relationship quality. They respond with joy to the partner’s good news.
  27. Finally, there’s active constructive responding. If her partner responded in this way, he stopped what he was doing and engaged wholeheartedly with her: “That’s great! Congratulations! When did you find out? Did they call you? What classes will you take the first semester?”

“Active constructive responding is the kindest. Active constructive responding allows the partner to savor her joy and gives the couple an opportunity to bond over the good news. In the parlance of the Gottmans, active constructive responding is a way of “turning toward” your partners bid (sharing the good news). Active constructive responding is critical for healthy relationships. Those who showed genuine interest in their partner’s joys were more likely to be together. The spirit of kindness and generosity guides them forward.

Active constructive responding is critical for healthy relationships. Those who showed genuine interest in their partner’s joys were more likely to be together. The spirit of kindness and generosity guides them forward.”

The secret of a long-lasting happy relationship, proved by science, is that a lasting relationship comes down to—you guessed it—kindness and generosity.

Source of the article: 1 and picture: 2

Serenity Makes You Happy and Peaceful

Serenity is a state of contentment. Contentment was named by Dalai Lama as the key ingredient for inner happiness.

But how do we attain a constant feeling of serenity?

REBT therapy invented by Albert Ellis says that, in the same time, people rationalize, experiment some emotions and have a certain behavior. Therefore, in order for you to attain a state of serenity means that you need to work on your rationalization, emotions and behavior.

Rationalization.

Rationalization means thoughts: what thoughts you have and the way you think.

To improve your thoughts Positive Words Research puts at your disposal the best list of positive words in the world. Check this list and incorporate in your vocabulary as many positive words as you can. It is scientifically discovered that a human brain thinks more than 30,000 words a day, meanings a short to medium book… this is a lot of words. Make sure some of them are positive words… and this is only for one day… just compute how many words you think in a week, or month, or year… an abundance of words. Keep your brain happy feeding him with positive words. In this way you will keep your brain serene and make sure it will not mess up your life by being a brain that thinks negatively.

The way you think, means that, you have moments when you think: while you sit on a chair, while going with the subway, while walking to work, while running, while writing, while talking with friends, while you meditate. Be aware of these moments and think about high emotional subjects only in some moments, when you have more time and energy. Try not to think important subjects of your life anywhere you go. Make a rule just not to think about consuming and stressful problems in some parts of the day, like after 9 o’clock in the evening or in the morning. This will keep a balance in your life and sustain serenity all day long. You will feel content because you will not force yourself to think intense and immediately when you have a problem. You will develop a power over your brain to make him think problems when you want not when something happens in reality. You brain will not react anymore to problems from reality, keeping your inner peace.

Emotions. 

There are emotions that help you and emotions that don’t help you. Basically intense negative emotions over a long period of time are bad and will never help you. Well-being is attained when you have constant positive emotions over a long period of time, over 6 months and maybe very short lived soft to medium negative emotions and no intense negative emotions.

Emotions are created in time and are strongly correlated with our thoughts. This is what Albert Ellis has discovered.

Abraham Hicks says that emotions are our guiding system, informing us of the packets of thoughts that we think, so that we can take notice and change our thoughts for more positive ones. Also Abraham Hicks says that thoughts are vibration. The quality of the thoughts you think matches the vibration of your body, high or low. Serenity, peace, happiness, contentment, joy are high vibrations correlated with positive thinking. You think positively when you use positive words in your thinking.

Behavior.

Thoughts, most of the time, are just internalized words. Behavior you then correlated with your words, because you tend to do what you’ve said. The, the behavior that you have, generates thoughts in your mind. Because you will think about what you do, and then rethink, over long periods of time, about what you did. The quality of your thoughts will impact your serenity.

I’ve researches the positive word Serenity in The Free Dictionary and I’ve found some interesting other positive words correlated with this word: tranquility, placidity, repose, quiet, peacefulness, peace, heart ease, calm, composure, stillness, calmness, quietness, quietude, placidity, calmness, quietude, peacefulness, untroubledness, calmness, composure, equanimity, ataraxia (peace of mind).

Serenity means serene and content thoughts, serene and content emotions, serene and content behavior. All these will give you a feeling of well-being which is happiness and peacefulness through your life.

Please excuse me for my bad English. I am not a native English speaker. I hope you understand what I’ve written. Comments are most welcome. – Elena Calin, the founder of Positive Words Research

HAPPY: Your life journey is a happy dream

Happy DreamDream a happy journey. In the real world, only a happy journey brings a happy ending.

We are not born knowing how to dream happy dreams. While living we learn how to do it. So take the responsibility and learn how to dream happy thoughts. Use this little secret: happy dreams are created with happy, positive words.

Dream a happy journey build from many happy moments, because in the real world only a happy journey brings a happy ending. In reality, a happy moment attracts another happy moment, which attracts another happy moment, and then another happy moment. Suddenly, you are surrounded by an abundance of happy moments, in only one day. And, at the end, when you think about it, you discover you had a happy life.

Also, never finish an unhappy dream. You don’t want to live the end of an unhappy dream. When you dream unhappy moments, just stop and start dreaming a new happy dream.

Stop and appreciate. When you appreciate something and you appreciate another thing, then another thing and so on… it’s like dreaming your happy dream. Live in the present and take notice of your blessings by being grateful, content. The journey of your life that you always wanted to go through, is a happy dream.

Dream it and Live it !

Appreciate and Encourage – Positivity Begins Here

Appreciate and Encourage - Positivity Begins Here
Picture made by Anoop in Ottapalam, Kerala, India

Appreciate and Encourage – Positivity Begins Here

Have you ever thought why do you feel low about yourself? Why have you failed? Why haven’t you thought to be positive?

Answers are here and they are quite simple.

The main reason behind this is that there is nobody to appreciate and encourage you. Appreciation and Encouragement are two big motivators that you desperately need. If there was someone to appreciate and encourage you in the first place, you wouldn’t have been feeling pessimistic about yourself.

Now that you have had a retrospection about yourself and your thoughts, try to empathize for other people who are struggling and working hard for their goals. Follow these golden rules to move forward with your life.

  1. Empathize – Just try to see yourself in other people’s shoes. You know how you feel when someone discourages you. To empathize on someone is the first step to motivate someone.
  2. Appreciate – When you see people doing some great work and striving hard for their goals, appreciate. It might sound to be a simple word but its outcomes are phenomenal. When you appreciate people, they feel more confident and happy about their work and about themselves. They will be more assured that someone is complimenting them with a positive word.
  3. Encourage – Give a positive pat on people’s shoulders when you see good work. Tell them that you must do this work consistently with full interest. When you encourage them more, they will have the heart to do their work with optimism.
  4. Help – When you see people struggling, lend them your hand and offer a help. Genuine people will remember you always for your help. When you are in need, these people will help you in return. But never expect anything in return while helping people.

 These positive words have enormous power in them. Use them in your daily life and see the effects in the people surrounding you.

– Anoop (http://peopleandhearts.com )


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Words that you should always have in mind so as to stay happy

Words that you should always have in mind so as to stay happyYou may have heard people say that happiness is a choice we make. This is true. You may decide to stay sad even when all things are working out for you but you can also choose to stay happy when all things aren’t as smooth running as you would like them.

So as to be happy, there is a great need for you to make being happy a habit but not an act. You should always stay positive regardless of how bad things seem to be. Always be grateful, exercise regularly, make people happy, be optimistic and stay as close as possible to the people you truly care about.

There are words that you should always have with you as they will greatly assist you to be happy and to remain happy. They are:

  1. Gratitude. These words come with great power and it can be able to change the lives of people. Usually, gratitude attracts prosperity. It is important to appreciate all that you see and to acknowledge it the way it is. When you occupy you mind with such thoughts that express the kind of gratitude you have, you will flourish in ways that you can never imagine. Gratitude is a great virtue. Appreciate the things you already have and you will be happy.
  1. Blissfulness/awesomeness/magic. Blissful can be taken to mean notable, happy, accountable, and considerable. A person who is blissful is at peace and is happy. There is never a limit to the blissful moments that you can have. If you can harness this feeling, you are indeed a lucky person. When you are blissful, you are contended. Blissfulness helps you relax and feel great joy.
  1. Forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of bitterness and grudges. You may choose to hang on to anger and feel resentful thoughts once you are hurt. However, it is always good to forgive and move on with life. We have all been hurt under different circumstances. When you forgive, you embrace joy, gratitude, hope, and peace. You are relieved of the burden and ultimately, you will be happy. Decide to let it go and stop any revenge thoughts.
  1. Contentment. This is the state of being content. When you have contentment, you have great ease of mind, and satisfaction. The pursuit of contentment is an important thread that many people use on diverse cultures. Finding the peace within is great. Go and seek happiness and while at it, limit the kind of desires that you have.
  1. Vitality/vim/health. When you talk and think of good health, you end up having a healthy body. When you are grateful for the health that you have, you will be healed of almost anything. Vitality is a state where you feel active, strong and energized. Be invigorated at all times and you will find that you are much happier in this way.
  1. Connection/caring/understanding. The act of connecting gives you a sense of belonging. Connecting with yourself, with nature, and people is a great way to show you care. Understanding things helps you appreciate everything as it is.
  1. Serenity/peace/well being. This is a state of being calm, untroubled and at peace. This is a great word that is associated with happiness. When you are at peace with all things and people around you, you end up being happy.
  1. Self-love/worth/self-care. This is where you regard your happiness and personal wellbeing. When your self-love is little, you can end up feeling depressed and unworthy. Too much of it can make it difficult to learn from own failures. Have enough self-love and boost your self-esteem.
  1. Positive. Stop all sorts of negative talk so as to reduce stress. When you think positively, you will be able to improve your physical and mental health. You should have a positive attitude regarding your life and always be optimistic that things will be great. Positive talk is also as important. The things we think about and talk about greatly affect how happy we are. Always aim at lowering stress.
  1. Blessing. This is the approval which allows you to do great things and mostly associated with God. Blessings bring happiness. Counting your blessings and appreciating how blessed you really leaves you feeling happy.
  1. Ease. Do not force things. Take things easy and all difficulty will fade away. When you face life with ease, you will be happy as difficulties will be reduced to great levels. Get freedom from pain and enjoy life’s comforts.
  1. Abundance. This can also mean unlimited, glory, awareness and prosperity. Reflect on the part of your life where you feel you are most abundant and concentrate on this. When you feel that you have a lot, you will be content and this will bring happiness. Feel yourself-abundance and abundance towards other people, life and living is strongly related to prosperity.
  1. Light. Light is hope and with hope, we get the fuel to keep on going regardless of the current situations. When you have light, you confidently expect great things and anticipate for the time when things will turn around when they aren’t going too well. Avoid despair, hopelessness and dejection.
  1. Appreciation. The word allows you to feel beautiful and let the energy flow all the way. When you understand a situation fully, you will be able to appreciate it the way it is. Appreciating life, people, and the surroundings brings admiration and happiness.
  1. Loving-kindness/wholehearted. This is consideration and tenderness towards other people. Love is one of the words that are most compelling in English language. There is a wide use of the word. When you show loving-kindness to people, you end up feeling great about yourself and this makes you happy.

The above are some of the words that give you positive feelings every day. When you use the words and reflect on them on a daily basis, you will seldom be angry and you will be at peace within and without. It is always important to remember that your life is your own and you shouldn’t live it to someone else’s expectations. Always remember what makes you happy, all that you need and want. Being happy reflects well on health and you relationships with others.

Read further: 15 Words You Should Think Daily to Be Happy