By Elena D. Calin
Chapter 2 ~ I Used To Not Love And Now I Am Loving
“I’d far rather be happy than right any day.” – Douglas Adams
I used to not feel loved and now I am feeling so loved. I just feel, now, so loved.
I used to not feel so alive and now I am feeling so alive. I just somehow feel alive now. I used not to feel like this. And now I feel like this.
I used to think I am not blessed and now I am feeling blessed. It just happened for me. I feel blessed. I used not to feel like this. I used to feel different. Now I feel blessed. It happened to me.
I used to not love people so much. Maybe I loved a few people. And now I am feeling love for so many people. I love singers, dancers, writers of movies, people that take care of the bakery in front of my house, the ones that take care of the park near me where I love to walk, and the neighbors that keep me secure in my house because we all live, together, in a building. And all the other people, so many people that are just amazing. Now I am just used to loving people.
I used to not love my body. And now I am feeling so much love for my body.
My body is a miracle; I used to not believe this. Just that now I do feel like this. I feel love for my body. I used not to feel it. And now I feel this love. I used not to respect myself so much and now I practice self-respect. Life is so much easier if I give self-respect to me when I need it. I love self-respect.
I used to think mainly at the not so good stuff that was happening all around the world. And I felt that these pictures are making me feel like I was living in a not secure world.
And now I am thinking mainly at all the good, beautiful, fabulous, mesmerizing, breath taking stuff that is happening all around the world. I have no control over all the not so good stuff which is happening in the world. Just that now I am also thinking that I have no control over the good stuff that is happening in the world.
This good stuff is multiplying in the world without me controlling it.
No matter if I have trust in people or I don’t, in reality there are these millions of people that are committed to see beauty in the world. They surf, they throw themselves from the cliffs into the water and then climb back to do it again. They run in races, they give birth to children, they dance, they teach other people how to dance, they just do all these millions of good stuff in the world.
And I could, and maybe actually I did, dedicate my life in visualizing all this beauty on Earth. The more I picture all this beauty, all this magic abundance, I know that I will not have time in my life to, at least, think of them, not to discover them, just to have a picture of them in my mind.
Then I remember that all is abundance. Therefore time is also in abundance for everyone. So I know and feel that I will have more than enough time to picture and discover all the beauty on this paradise which we all call Earth. Because we all live forever, right?
I used to not trust myself and now I am doing it.
I trust myself. And it seems that since I trust myself, others trust me also.
I used not to smile when I was walking alone on the street and now I smile whenever I remember to. And some people passing on the street besides me smile also without thinking why, just because they had a glance of my smiling face. And I like this, to make them smile, only because they passed me by. So I try to remember and do it as often as I can.
I used to think other people consume my love and now I am happy that they feel my love.
Actually people only feel my love when I overflow with it. I used not to know this about life. I used not to know that you give, only when you overflow with something. I used not to overflow with love so often. And this is why, when I overflew love in the past, people felt my love, then the overflow stopped, so the love stopped, I did not feel it anymore and I believed that they’ve consumed my love.
And I so wanted to enjoy more of that love. Just that now I overflow daily with love, I am like a never-ending river. I am grateful for this. I know I used to not feel like this.
I used to not feel young inside my mind and now I feel so young. I know I used to feel I have an old mind; I felt it in the past even if I was less than 25 years old. I used to say that my face looks young but that I feel my mind is so old. Now I feel my mind is so young. I am happy that I will learn so many things in this life.
I used to not feel the freedom and now I feel the freedom.
I used to feel not free. I used to feel that all the people are not living freely, in their small concrete boxes all their life, in our small bedrooms. I used not to understand how they can live like this, not free.
Now I feel the freedom. Now I feel others freedom also.
There are so many free people in the world. There are so many people that freely do what they know they should do.
They follow the Love.
Now I think of all the people that are creating the life they want. And I allow them to do this, in my mind. Now I just do the same, feel free and create the life I want.
I discovered that people are allowing me to have my freedom, nobody actually tries to stop me from doing what I love and being who I love to be. Before this, I was living in illusion. I was trapped by my own perception.
I used to not have fun in what I was doing during the day and now I just have fun in my daily simple activities.
I have fun when I dress, when I walk, when I brush my hair, when I clean my teeth, when I write, when I just say doing nothing. I used to not have so much fun when I was writing and now I just have fun.
Somehow I make it fun. All these ideas come to me and make me smile. Sometimes I believe I can write forever, or I could get dressed forever, or I could brush my hair forever, or I could smile forever. Or I could look at the blue sky forever, or I could walk in the snow in quiet forever, or I could kiss someone forever. So many things that I want to do forever, and all of them are from this world.
I used to not feel good and now I just feel good.
I feel good! And I still have to sleep 7-8 hours every 16-17 hours. Just that now I feel good with this ritual of my human nature. And I still have to get dressed and go to work.
And I still have to eat three times and take other different little snacks during a day. And I still need to wash my body. And I still need to go to the toilet every day. And I still need to wash my hands every time after going to the toilet. And I still have to drink liters of water. And I am tired during the day from time to time. And I still have headaches from time to time. And I still need to buy food for my cat. And I still need to wake up in the morning. So many mornings!
Thankfulness to you and thankfulness to me also that I do all this every day. I used to not feel grateful for doing all these and now I feel grateful. Now I try to color all my doings with the colors of love and gratitude. I don’t try to do all I do, only out of love or gratitude; this is very hard.
But I try to do my daily activities, which I am already doing, with drops of love and gratitude in them. It’s like a rain of light pouring on all my doings. And somehow things changed without me directly changing them. Now I just feel good!
“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” – Aristotle
Please allow me to give to you another homework which will help you to build your own personalized happy moment:
Therefore, make your own blessings replacing the following sparkles with your own words:
I USED TO NOT * * * * AND NOW I AM * * * *
Remember that this is a positive exercise meant to lift you higher.
“My hope is that the description of God’s love in my life will give you the freedom and the courage to discover… God’s love in yours.” – Henry Nouwen
This book contains positive affirmations that make you feel happy. I recommend you to read throughout the chapters, taking each sentence, one by one. The sentences are arranged in a certain serene flow but can also be read separately.
The writing of this book has begun with my daily writings. I had some blissful, full of love, mesmerizing days when I just felt that I want to connect my own being with positive, high and strong words. Then connect myself with everything around me, connect my consciousness with the reality outside me. In this state I began to write this book.